Blog

Consent: A Primer for Clients of Escorts, Erotic Body Workers, ProDommes/submissives & Sex WorkersCategory: Beginner Booking Tips   May 21st 2019  03:09PM   0

Consent is for Sex Workers and their clients, too

You may have heard the word "consent" thrown around in the media, but it's a subject that isn't always discussed among adult entertainers and their clients. If you are a client of sex workers, it is easy to assume your favorite escort, domme/sub or masseuse are "all-access, all the time," when in reality we have boundaries like anyone else.

What is consent? 

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. There are many ways to give consent, and some of those are discussed below. Consent doesn’t have to be verbal, but verbally agreeing to different sexual activities can help both you and your partner respect each other’s boundaries.

How does consent work in real life?

When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication - and it should happen every time. Giving consent for one activity, one time, does not mean giving consent for increased or recurring sexual contact. For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes. Having sex with someone in the past doesn’t give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future.

Consent doesn't have to be boring or unrealistic.

Also asking for or giving consent doesn't have to be a dry, "Sign this consent form here and initial here" transaction.  "Do you want me to take off your clothes?" or "Tell me you want me to..." whispered in your partner's ear can be extremely hot. 

You can change your mind at any time. 

You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable. It’s important to clearly communicate to your partner that you are no longer comfortable with this activity and wish to stop. The best way to ensure both parties are comfortable with any sexual activity is to talk about it.

Positive consent can look like this:

  • Communicating when you change the type or degree of sexual activity with phrases like “Is this OK?” or "Do you like it when we...?"
  • Explicitly agreeing to certain activities, either by saying “yes” or another affirmative statement, like “I’m open to trying...”
  • Using physical cues to let the other person know you’re comfortable taking things to the next level; i.e. guiding your partner's hands to your erogenous zones

Consent does NOT look like this:

  • A "wet" vagina or an erect penis - these only indicate sexual arousal and are involuntary physical responses to stimuli
  • Refusing to acknowledge “no” before or during a sexual encounter 
  • Assuming that one's employment in the adult entertainment industry is an invitation to sexual contact
  • Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more
  • Having sex with someone under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state
  • Having sex with someone unable to give consent when incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
  • Pressuring someone into sexual activity by using guilt, fear or intimidation
  • Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past
  • Removing a condom during a sexual encounter without asking for permission to do so
  • Partaking in a sex worker's services - then stealing their payment back or refusing to pay after agreeing to pay for services
  • In BDSM, ignoring a partner's "safe words" when used during a scene

 

"But Tabitha, I'm not like those people! Why do you need to explain this to me?"

Think back to your own experiences with sexual education; how much of it included language around consent & pleasure? Consent can be particularly confusing to navigate for those in positions of wealth or power who are unaccustomed to hearing "no" in other environments. Distracted by our own excitement, we can unknowingly make others feel uncomfortable or frightened from our sexual advances - especially if we are physically larger & stronger than our partners. 

The unfortunate public attitude sex workers are stupid, oversexed and incapable of withdrawing consent leads some clients - even the most well-meaning ones - to believe their money entitles them to any service they demand. This is false. A client purchases conditional consent; This occurs when someone agrees to engage sexually under certain terms, such as the use of safe words, condom use, agreed upon sex acts, the existence of a financial transaction and so on.

Asking for something is perfectly ok, but attempting to get it through physical force, coercion or blackmail in the absence of a definite "yes" is violation of conditional consent, regardless of how much money a client has paid. If you honestly feel a sex worker misrepresented their service offerings or is visibly intoxicated - cease all physical contact and leave immediately. Your pride or "getting your money's worth" is not worth an assault charge.

Clients can engage their right to consent too: discuss your comfort levels regarding language, equipment or physical acts during playtime with your partners.  

Consent is for EVERYONE. Tell a friend.

 

Portions of this writing were sourced from https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent


Share: Twitter


Website Disclaimer

Please be advised that this website contains content and images not suitable for minors. If you are under the age of 18 or are offended by adult-oriented websites, please browse elsewhere.

By choosing to continue past this disclaimer, you release and discharge the owner of this website and all parties involved with the creation, maintenance and hosting of any and all liability which may arise from your actions.

nyc escort, nyc ebony escort, new york ebony escorts, new york escorts, vip ebony escorts, new york courtesan, new york latina escort, latina escort, vip escort new york, upscale escorts new york

ENTER | EXIT